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Tuesday, January 24, 2012

The "Love - Hate" Relationship

Today I wanted to share my thoughts about a "Love-Hate" Relationship that I have. Now before you go thinking that I have someone in my life who I both love and hate, please continue to read this blog post for all the information before coming to a conclusion.  Here is what Wikipedia.com has to say about having a "Love-Hate Relationship":


A love–hate relationship is an interpersonal relationship involving simultaneous or alternating emotions of love and hate. This relationship does not have to be of a romantic nature, and may be instead of a sibling one. It may occur when people have completely lost the intimacy within a loving relationship, yet still retain some passion for, or perhaps some commitment to, each other.

The term is used frequently in psychology, popular writing and journalism. It can be applied to relationships with inanimate objects, or even concepts.[3][4] It is sometimes employed by writers to refer to relationships between celebrity couples who have been divorced, then who reunite (notably Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton, or Eminem and Kimberly Scott).

The portion that I would like to draw you attention to in the above statement is found in the last paragraph, "It can be applied to relationships with inanimate objects, or even concepts.["    

You see, my feelings are not actually a "love-hate" relationship that I have with anyone, but with something, FOOD.  You see even though I have successfully lost 101 pounds on my journey to a new me during the past year, I still have my own issues with food.  Food is a simple four letter word that is both nourishment and a stumbling block on my journey.  When I eat the right types of foods my body grows leaner and is energized. But when I eat the wrong types of foods I feel tired and sluggish and do not have the stamina to exercise like I know that I should.  So you are probably wondering why this would matter.  I have declared in all of my blog post up to this point that I can eat anything that I want as long as I do not eat more than my daily allotment of 1400 calories, and this is still true.  But the longer that I am on this journey the more that I am realizing that the food or should I say "Fuel" that I am putting into my body does make a difference.

Let me give you an example of what I am talking about.  If during the day I use 180 calories at breakfast eating a Thomas bagel thin and a serving of the 1/3 reduced fat strawberry cream cheese, and then for lunch I use another 400 calories on lean protein and a salad with light or fat free dressing, then dinner comes around and I find myself with 820 calories to use for my last meal of the day.  What I find that happens is that I use these calories on entree that are high in carbs. Although I don't allow myself to go over the 1400 calories, I am now too full or stuffed to want to get my exercise in.  You know the feeling that you get when you over eat on a holiday?  That is what I am talking about. 


So starting today, I would like to change my thinking about the four-letter word "food"
and begin thinking about a new four-letter word, "fuel".   My vehicle takes unleaded gasoline to operate.  Like most people I always opt for the 87 octane.  But what kind of performance would I get if I used the higher 93 octane?  I don't know what my car would do, but I believe that my body would respond positively.  If I even switched my heavy meal to lunch time and had my lighter entree for dinner at night, I would still be consuming the 1400 calories, but I would probably have more energy and stamina to get my exercise in and other activities too!

So my resolution begining tomorrow will be to try this process for one week to see if it makes a difference in my results.  I don't know about you but  I am ready to put an end to the "love-hate" relationship that I have with food and begin the next phase of my journey to lose 50 pounds in '2012.  I know that I can do it, I guess I just needed to hear myself say it!

Sunday, January 22, 2012

Some Things You Never Forget

Where does 'memory like an elephant' come from?  Does an elephant  actually have a great memory or is it just a random saying?  How would you know if they had a great memory or not?  I did a quick google search and was able to gain some insight into the background regarding this statement. 

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker

AN ELEPHANT NEVER FORGETS - "First attested in the United States in 'Blue Ridge' (1937) by W. Martyn. The proverb is probably of Greek origin. The Greeks sometimes say, 'The camel never forgets an injury,' according to Burton Stevenson. 'To have a memory like an elephant' is used as a figure of speech." From "Random House Dictionary of Popular Proverbs and Sayings" (1996) by Gregory Y. Titelman (Random House, New York, 1996).

A second reference adds to this and has an earlier citation date: "Said of someone with a prodigious memory, usually for slights and wrongs. It was not the memory of the elephant but that of the camel that was renowned amongst the Greeks long ago. A Greek proverb ran 'Camels never forget an injury.' Proverbial reference to the elephant's memory is relatively recent.

The origin of the phrase seems to go back to observations that elephants follow the same paths and even hand down genetic memories of directions and places grounds across generations. Each elephant clan has a certain burial place, like many human communities, and always help the dying ones get back there if they are not killed traumatically first.

The most famous example of the tenacity of memory of elephants is illustrated in the story "Elephant Walk," which was made into a movie in the 40s, or perhaps early 50s. This is the true story of a British colonial villa which was built across a traditional elephant walk in India. The elephants were confused and enraged to find their way blocked, and every year at the same time, the villa staff would have to defend the villa and deflect the herds around it so they could get from one side of the offending villa in their traditional migration.

Finally the elephants could not be dissuaded, and one year in rage they finally stormed on through the villa, destroying it and killing many of the people, restoring the traditional road.

In addition to their travel and burial patterns, it has been demonstrated in the 20th century that elephants also have a high friendship skill with humans, as well as develping lasting relationships with other elephants, and in fact do remember individuals of the human and their own species even when separated for decades.
So now that we all know about elephants and their great memories, you are probably wondering what this has to do with my journey to a new me?  Well it goes back to my early childhood.  I was just remembering things from my early years, things that were hurtful and things that I wish that I would have never overheard others say about me.  In one of the references above it stated:   "Said of someone with a prodigious memory, usually for slights and wrongs."  I think in some cases this applies to me.  Now that I am moving in the right direction with my weight and more importantly, my health, I believe it is important to disect my thoughts and emotions regarding my weight and why I grew to be so obese to begin with.


One of my earliest hurtful memories was when I was a young teenager and I was spending the night at a friends house.  I remember after dinner that night we were playing in my friends family room and my friends mother called her into their kitchen.  Like most children after she was gone for a few minutes I got up to go see what she was doing and from around the corner, just beyond where they could see me,  I saw her mother giving her a piece of cake and when my friend said: "Mommy can I take a piece of cake to me friend?"   Her mother quietly replied, "No honey, your friend does not need a piece of cake.  You just finish your piece of cake in here and then go back in there and play.  She  does not need to know that you had dessert."  I remember the hurt that I felt at that moment, not just at what her mother had said but that my friend did not stand up for me and insist on either having her mother give me a piece of cake or share her piece of cake with me.   I remember going back into their family room and waiting on her to come back.  When she came back she could have won an Oscar for her performance.  I casually asked her what did her mother want and she replied, "Oh nothing.  She just wanted me to help her with the dishes."  I then knew that my friend was not really my friend and I told her that I needed to leave and I walked home and never went over to her house again.


That is a painful memory, and one that I had all but forgotten.  I wonder what caused me to pull this memory from my past?  Why now after more than 35 years would this memory come to my remembrance?  I believe that deep at the root of my obesity are reasons beyond my understanding as to why and how I became the morbidly obese woman that I was.  I believe that if people knew how powerful their words were  they would be a little more careful of the words that they spoke.  I remember my friend wanting to come over to my house, or get off the bus at my house after school and I always made an excuse to her as to why I did not want to get together with her.  When in fact it was because of a deep hurt that I had suffered by her and her mother that fateful day.

When I think about it, the example above is not the only time in my childhood that something similar happened.  As the bad memories flood back I take a moment to reflect on each and every one of them.  And the reality is this, "What can I do about it now?"    Nothing.  The old saying: You can't cry over split milk is true.  But what I can do is choose to forgive. Because with forgiveness comes healing.  Today, I forgive them for the hurt that they caused me.  I forgive myself for having a pity-party every time something like this happened to me and I used it as an excuse to over eat.  Today is a new day.  Today I can choose to forgive and forget the painful words of the past, and reflect on the positive words of encouragement that I have received over the past year on my journey to a new me. 

I want to personally thank all of your who have offered positive words, kind words, and words of affirmation and encouragement to me.  All of the positive words are helping me to release the hurt from the past, and move toward my next goal of 50 pounds in '2012. 

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Weight At Work

Me & My Best Friend Michelle. This picure was  taken at company picnic Nov.'2010
(Just One Month before I began "My Journey To A New Me!")
It was only fourteen months ago that this picture was taken of me and my bestfriend, Michelle, at a company picnic.  I remember this pretty fall day just  like it was yesterday.  But what I did not remember so well was how big I was.  It is funny how our mind works.  I have no problem remembering the warm sun on my face, the messy hot dogs, and hanging out with my best friend, and I even remember how happy I was to take a break from my busy day to spend an hour outside enjoying a picnic on a warm 70 degree day.
At every company function we have several different people who walk around and take pictures of the employees and the event itself.  Most of the pictures that were taken of me over the past fourteen years have been "posed" pictures.  You know, the kind of pictures that you see the person with a camera around their neck or in their hand, and they are snapping pictures all around you.  In the above picture that was taken in November of 2010 I remember putting my plate of food down on the serving line table and standing with my best friend and giving them my biggest smile.  Later in the day the pictures were posted and I remember seeing the picture of us and commenting how good we both looked in the picture!
Well this trip down memory lane happened last week when one of my very good friends at work called me over to her desk.  When I arrived at her desk she told me "I don't want to offend you but there is something that I want to show you."  She then continued, "I was looking through some old pictures from company events and I ran across a picture that had me a little puzzled." I asked her what she meant and she continued.  "I saw some pictures that were taken at a company Christmas party in December of 2009.  I recognized all of the people in the picture but one."  I then looked over her shoulder and saw the picture on her computer monitor.  I also recognized the other people in the picture and looked a little closer at the person in the pink sweater.  My friend then spoke up and said, "The reason that I finally recognized the lady in the picture was because I recognized the pink sweater that she was wearing.  It is the pretty pink sweater that you gave me." 

Me and my good friend, Pam enjoying
our company Christmas luncheon - Dec. 2009
I didn't know what to say.  Who was this obese woman sitting at a table consuming who knows how much food?  I can't even remember what the food was at this meal but I remember all the desserts that I had packed into my body and how sick I felt later that afternoon. 

Desserts were my weakness! 
Christmas luncheon - Dec. 2009
All I felt after seeing the pictures was sadness.  Well I should say, sad and a little depressed.  You see, I still have a problem seeing myself in pictures from before I began my journey to a new me.  The weirdest part is if I "knew" that the picture was being taken, I was mentally prepared to view the picture when it was made available for viewing and my mind sort of gave me a "false" image of what I would see or rather, how I would see myself.  When these pictures were taken of me, I was unaware that they were being taken, therefore my mind did not have an opportunity to play its little trick on me.  I think that if I could really see myself the way that I looked back then,  I would have done something about it before that life changing event on December 11, 2010 when I began my journey to a new me.
Now enough of this sad story.  I want to share with you a little good news!  This past December our company had our annual Christmas luncheon and I remember decorating the conference room with elegance, I remember making healthy food choices, and I remember enjoying fellowship with my friends and co-workers.  What I did not remember was that I posed for a picture just before I left the luncheon with my friend, Della.  Below is the picture that was taken.  When I saw this picture there was no reason for my mind to play any games with me, because now I  can see for myself the results of what one year on my journey to a new me has done for my appearance and more importantly my health. 

Me & My Friend, Della at the company
 Christmas luncheon Dec. 2011


I don't know about you but I am already looking forward to seeing what my Christmas luncheon picture looks like for this year (2012)    My goal for 2012 is to lose 50 pounds.  I am so motivated to make it happen.  It is cold outside but I am really enjoying riding my new 21-speed bicycle and when the weather is warmer I know that I will be able to pedal farther and faster than I can now.  So here's to a fabulous New Year!

Thursday, January 12, 2012

The Waiting Is Over

Well I have successfully kept you all on the edge of your seats long enough.  The cliff-hanger ending to my last blog post promised that I would update you on my latest endeavour to lose my next 50 pounds in '2012 on my journey to a new me.

I hope you have not lost sleep over the anticipation of what my next secret weapon in my arsenal may be.  Let me begin with what happened on my last day of my vacation.  Because New Years Day fell on a Sunday this year my employer gave everyone a holiday on the following day, January 2nd.  So knowing that the very next day would begin a full week of work that I would have to find a way to do in only four days, I set out to  spend some quality time with my husband and that included getting out of the house for a while.

He explained that he really needed to run a few errands and one of them was all the way in Marietta, which is a good hour and a half from our house.  So to have the energy to make the journey we started our day with a power breakfast at the Waffle House, or the "Waffles House!"  as my grandchildren love to proclaim!  I enjoyed one egg and two egg whites scrambled, one piece of cheese, with spray not oil,  three pieces of sliced tomatoes instead of hashbrowns or grits, and one and a half pieces of wheat toast - dry. this gave me a grand total of 234 calories.

We drove to his customers place of business and in a few minutes we were on our way to our next stopping point.  After several more stops he tells me that he wants to stop at the bike store in Flowery Branch on our way home to pick up a bearing that he needed to repair our neighbors daughters bicycle.  When we arrived I waited as the owner assisted my husband with his purchase and we also decided to purchase a set of training wheels to help our neighbors daughter learn to ride her pretty new bike.

It was while we were checking out at the register that I made a comment that was more out loud than I intended.  I simply said, "Wow, you sure do have a lot of bikes here.  If I was able to ride I would love to have one."  And with that the owner of the company looked up from what he was doing and said, "What do you mean, if you can ride?  Did you ever learn to ride as a child?"  And in a somewhat sheepish kind of way I replied, "Well yes, what kid doesn't learn to ride a bike when they are growing up?"  And he continued, "Well if you learned to ride as a child, then you can still ride as an adult." 

I started laughing at this statement because I was still picturing myself 101 pounds heavier trying to pedal a bicycle without falling off and the picture in my mind was quite entertaining.  But the next thing out of my mouth was, "I don't even think you have a bike here that I could ride, they all look professional or something." And the owner, who is named Mike, walked around the counter and out to the front of the store and simply replied, "Well I have been doing this business for many years, and I won't tell you how to run your business but I know my business.  I do have a bike that would be perfect for you and I know you can ride it."

At this point my pulse starting racing, and I even felt like my heart was beating so hard that they could see it pounding through my clothes.  I really did not have any further comment and then I saw him with his hand on the handle bars of a midnight blue womens 21 speed bike and he said to me, "Come over here and let me show you something."  As I approached the bike for the first time I said the first thing that came to my mind.  "I don't think that I can ride this bike."  and when he asked me Why?  I said "Because the seat looks too high for me."  And with that he instructed me to stand to one side of the bike and put both hands on the handlebars and tilt the bike toward me.  I was timid at first and told him that I was scared, and what if I dropped the bike, or fell off, or ??????  I don't remember everything I said, but it was many many excuses and he just smiled and said, "Trust me".

With tha I put my hands on the handle bars as instructed and leaned that bike toward me and swung my leg over it and straddled the bike and found that it really wasn't too high for me.  The seat felt good under my rearend and it did not give me a wedgy.  The handle bars were a comfortable length away from my body and I started smiling at the thought that I could possibly ride this bike one day.  So I said just that, and what he said next shocked me.

He said "Well now that you have done the hard part, why don't we just take it out back in our rear parking lot and take it around the lot a few times?"  and I replied, "What? Are you kidding me?  You want me to attempt to ride this shiny new bicycle on the pavement, are you crazy?"  And it was his  turn to smile and he said,  "No I am not crazy, I know you can do it and to help build your confidence so that you know that you can do it, I will run along side you until you get your balance and feel like you won't fall off."

Well talk about making a deal that you couldn't refuse.  He rolled the bike out back and with a huge smile on my face and my heart pounding through my chest I put my hands on those handle bars and leaned that bike towards me.  I swung my leg over the seat and made myself comfortable on the seat.  He then smiled and said it looked as if I had been doing this all of my life.

He gave me a briefing on the gears and hand brakes and told me to start pedaling when I was ready that he and my husband would run along side me on both sides until I was comfortable.  So before I could chicken out, I began to pedal.  At first it was a weird feeling.  One second I thought that I was going to fall off and the next second I felt the wind in my hair and air in my lungs and before I knew it I was pedaling all the way to the far end of the parking lot and they were all the way back where I had started!  Oh What A Feeling!!!

I rode my bike three miles that day and 2 and a half miles a few days later.   We have had some very rainy and dismal weather since I got my new bike but I am so anxious to get out there and explore the country roads that are all around my house.  Who knew when I started on this journey to a new me that I would be able to enjoy a simple pleasure again like riding a bicycle?  I am so excited to see what else this New Year has in store for me, and I know with this added exercise that the next 50 pounds will be only a few pedals away!  I am learning new things about myself every day.  And I am also discovering that if I think I can, I can!




Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Trade-In For A New Model Of Me!


My 1988 Ford Mustang GT Convertible
Oh How I loved this car!!!!

I don't know about you but I have always loved new cars!  In my early years of marriage I worked at both Ford Motor Credit and GMAC financing cars.  It was a very interesting career and one that I enjoyed.  One of the best benefits to working for these two companies were the added bonus of being able to purchase a new car for below dealer cost.  That meant that I was eligible to purchase up  to two new vehicles per year and get a very good deal on them!  During those 8 years of my life my husband and I enjoyed many different kinds of vehicles, and in the late 1980's and early 1990's I left my office job and began a career as a car salesperson.  With absolutely no expeience what-so-ever in sales, I stepped into  an adventure of a lifetime.  This one single decision set a course in my  life that I have never detoured from.  After selling cars I later began a career as an inside sales person, and have been doing this now for over 20 years.

So you are probably wondering why I titled this blog post, "Trade-in for a new model of me!"  Well it is a New Year and it is this time of year that makes me look back in the previous chapters of my life.  So I took a little time to reflect on the past year(s) of my life.  Up until December 10, 2010 I was on a collision course with  an early grave.  With diabetes type II, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and being classified as morbidly obese,  I was living a life that was going to end much quicker than it should.  It was then that I began My Journey To A New Me.

Me & My Hubby at my son's  wedding  May '2009
(The sad thing to me is, I thought we looked good )
The first part of my journey was to lose 100 pounds in one year.  Many of you have been reading my blog for quite some time, and you have read my account over the past year of how I have been able to successfully drop 101 pounds in one year! With no surgery or "easy get skinny quick scheme" I was able to lose the 101 pounds by changing my attitude and thoughts towards food.  But more specifically, about how much food that I should be eating.  I have continued to eat 1400 calories per day and will probably never deviate from this amount of calories.  Even when the scale does not move down like I think that it should, I still believe that 1400 calories is the correct and sufficient amount of calories for me.   I am still faithfully using my cell phone app myfitnesspal.com to record my calories, exercise and water intake.  I have people ask me all the time, "Why do you still use that app to keep up with your eating and food intake", and I strongly believe that even though I have a good "idea" of how many calories that I am consuming every day, it is always better to "be accountable" by recording them on a daily basis.  This is the best way that I have found to accomplish my goal on my journey to a new me, and if something is not broken, then why try to fix it?

Just in case your wondering.....
This Smile Is What Losing 101 Pounds Feels Like!


So this year I did not want to go out an buy a new car, but I did want to do something to help me lose the 50 pounds that I had targeted for my weight loss for this year on my journey to a new me.  But what?  What could I do that would help me to meet this next goal on my journey?   Well in my next blog post you will  discover the road that my journey lead me down next, and for many of you I promise it will be a huge surprise!  But until then, here's to a healthy and happy New Year to all of you! Don't wait until tomorrow to begin your journey to a new you, remember the old saying "Tomorrow Never Comes".  Start today, right this moment to make changes that will last you a lifetime!


                      Happy New Year!

Happy New Year! And What A Year We Just Finished!

Well today is January 4, 2012 and I have now been on "My Journey To A New Me" for a little over one year!  It has been over two weeks since I last posted anything to my blog and once I fill you in on my activities you  will understand why.

Lunch time for me at
Sonny's BBQ

Pam & Ryan get engaged!

On Saturday December 3, 2011 my daughter came over to my house to help me decorate for the Christmas holidays.  We were about half way finished when her boyfriend came by the house to visit.  We were having a rather nice conversation when all of a sudden they tell me that they want to get married!  Wow!  This is some really big news I tell them.  And I followed it up with a simple question, "So, when were you thinking of getting married?"  Maybe this spring or summer?

Then she rather sheepishly replied, "Momma, we were wanting to get married this year."  I did not know what to say, so I replied with the first thing that came to mind, "This Year?"  You mean this month?  When?  and she began to ask me a series of questions, "When is your and daddy's wedding anniversary?"  I said December 10th, next weekend and no you can't get married on our anniversary, that is only a week away!  She then asked what day did my birthday fall on this year.  I said December 29th is on a Thursday and no, you can't get married on a Thursday.  I told her that her wedding day needed to be her special day.  They needed it to have no special meaning for anyone else other than "their" day.  They then looked at each other and smiled.  She told her boyfriend to ask me about the day that they had in mind and he said "I understand if you say no, but we really were wanting to get married on Christmas Eve."  Okay so now I got the full picture.  They wanted a Christmas Eve wedding the entire time, but my daughter knew that she would have to work me a certain way to get this day, and she succeeded.

With the date decided we knew that we only had three weeks to the day to accomplish everything that had to be done.  Not to mention it is Christmas so I already had a full schedule of events and activities that I was already committed to, along with all my Christmas shopping that I had not even begun yet.
Me & My Hubby in
Nashville, TN
Because I thought that I had plenty of time, who knew I had a wedding to plan!  Oh and don't forget that the following weekend was my 28th year wedding anniversary and we spent three days in Nashville, TN. 

But I have always been a go-getter, and I am a very organized person when it comes to events and planning.  I began to write down a list of all the things that had to be done in the next three days.  That day we went to Publix and selected the wedding cake and grooms cake.  I knew on this day that we wanted it to be perfect, and I was going to have enough calories saved up that I could enjoy a piece of each cake! 

This picture was taken by a good friend
with his cell phone during the ceremony.
Sunday after church they selected and purchased the wedding rings and that afternoon we attended our extended family Christmas gathering.  Things were going pretty smoothly and by that evening we had contacted one of our very good friends and he committed to perform the wedding ceremony.  Now we could really work through the other details.  When I asked them where they wanted to have the wedding she replied, "Mom could we get married at your house?  It is so pretty with all the Christmas decorations, I would love to get married here."  I agreed and we then had to figure out a way to work it out so that we could have seating for at least 50 people. 

Next we went to the office supply store to purchase wedding invitations.   There were several to choose from and once purchased, my mother helped me with the task of coming up with a verse.  We were quite the team, while she printed them off, I stuffed envelopes and addressed each one. By Monday morning the 50 invitations were in the mail.

During the next two weeks we worked out all the other details including the photographer, music, flowers, wedding dress, my dress, what the guys would wear, the food for the reception, the wedding favors,  and so on.  The big day came and I praise the Lord that everything went off smoothly.  We had beautiful weather and a great turn out.

The next day we celebrated Christmas with the family.  I am so blessed to have such a wonderful husband, parents, and children.  The Lord has been so good to me.  In '2011 I have so much to be thankful for.  And did I fail to mention my current weight loss?  I apologize for not mentioning it earlier.  As of December 23rd, I was down 101 pounds on my journey to a new me.   Now that is amazing!  That is almost the exact weight of my 24 year old daughter who just got married on Christmas Eve. She weighs between 100 - 105 with all her stinking clothes on and her shoes!!!

This year my committment to myself is to lose another 50 pounds.  I know that I can do it.  If I can successfully lose 101 pounds in '2011, what is 50 pounds this year?  I will keep you posted as to my progress, but until then.  What are you going to do about your health?  Your life? Your weight?  Let '2012 be your year to accomplish your goals!  I know you can do it!  So what is stopping you?  The race has started, now get up and get going!